Barely Alive

Barely Alive: From 'Staying Alive' to 'Barely Alive'
Reliving The 70's While In Your 70's

From ‘Staying Alive’ to ‘Barely Alive:’ A reflective perspective on my friend turning 70, using reimagined lyrics of the Bee Gees' song Staying Alive.

70: This is for people who have turned 70 and about people who don't think this applies to them... yet.

"Old age is always fifteen years older than I am." — Oliver Wendell Holmes

Dave. Disco Dave: My friend, Dave, turned 70. In his youth, his nickname was, 'Disco Dave.'

Seventy years teach that the music of life is best appreciated with the wisdom of age.

Twice 70: Now, at 70, he has the distinct advantage of experiencing the 70's twice:

• Once, when in his 20's, during the 70's

• And now experiencing the 70's in his 70's.

Staying Alive: I updated Disco Dave's 'theme' song to reflect the 'new 70's'. You may find it useful to play the video as you read the customized lyrics below.

(To the beat of Stayin' Alive by the Bee Gees. Songwriters: Barry Alan Gibb / Maurice Ernest Gibb / Robin Hugh Gibb. Parody lyrics 44.6493% AI-assisted (approximately), remaining content is entirely HI (Human Intelligence, human conceived, crafted, and created.)

Well, you can tell by the way I hobble, I can barely walk 
Can't hear a thing -- no need to talk  
Retirement's here, but got Medicare
Been around so long, I’ve got no hair  

And now it's alright, it's okay  
I'll shuffle on through another day  
You can try to understand  
The downfall of an elderly man

Whether you're my brother or whether you're an ex-lover  
I'm barely alive, barely alive  
Feel my hips breakin' and everything's achin'  
And I'm barely alive, barely alive  
Ow, ow, ow, ow, barely alive, barely alive  
Ow, ow, ow, ow, barely alive  

Oh, when I walk, well now, I get all slow 
But I keep on going, that's all I know  
And I complain a lot  
And if that doesn't help, I get a shot  
Got the years behind me and I can't deny  
My grandkids only hang around for when I die 

You know it's alright, it's okay  
I'll make it through another day  
You can try to understand  
The aches and pains of an old fart man  

Whether you're my brother or whether you're an ex-lover   
I'm barely alive, barely alive  
Hear my knees creakin' and everybody freakin' 
And I'm barely alive, barely alive  
Ow, ow, ow, ow, barely alive, barely alive (owww)  
Ow, ow, ow, ow, barely alive (owww)  

Help me, I've fallen, and I can't get up  
Somebody help me, yeah  
Help me, I've fallen, and I can't get up  
Somebody help me, yeah    
I’m barely alive  

Whether you're my brother or whether you're an ex-lover 
I'm barely alive, barely alive
Hear my knees creakin' and everybody freakin'
And I'm barely alive, barely alive
Ow, ow, ow, ow, barely alive, barely alive (owww)
Ow, ow, ow, ow, barely alive (owww)  

I'm barely alive, barely alive  
Aches and pains daily, but I'm barely alive  
Bingo nights weekly, I'm barely alive  
Lost the remote again, ow, ow, ow, barely alive  

Walkers and canes, my new best friends  
Social Security, on which I depend  
Life in the slow lane, because I drive slow  
And I need FloMax to help me go  
Adult diapers, I'm too proud  
And that music, it's too damn loud  
Erectile dysfunction, yeah, it’s a lot  
I’m barely alive, but it’s all I got  

Medicare copays, pills by the score  
Forgetting things daily, can't remember what for  
Assisted living is next on the list  
But I'm too stubborn, you get the gist?  
Somebody help me  
Can't see a thing, where'd I put my glasses?  
Somebody help me 
I'm barely alive  

Whether you're my brother or whether you're an ex-lover
I'm barely alive, barely alive  
Hear my knees creakin' and everybody freakin' 
And I'm barely alive, barely alive  
Ow, ow, ow, ow, barely alive, barely alive (owww)  
Ow, ow, ow, ow, barely alive (owww)  

I'm barely alive, barely alive  
Aches and pains daily, but I'm barely alive  
Bingo nights weekly, I'm barely alive  
Lost the remote again, ow, ow, ow, barely alive  
You know it's alright, it's okay  
umm, err, umm, umm...
...
Oops, I forgot what I was going to say

Ow, ow, ow, ow, barely alive, barely alive (owww)
Ow, ow, ow, ow, barely alive (owwwwwwwwww)  

Past The Pull Date? For those who think 'disco sucks' or 'disco is dead,' there is a very revealing video from the Glastonbury Festival of Contemporary Performing Arts 2017, with Barry Gibb performing Stayin' Alive.

At the 13-second mark, look at the event staff. 

Estimate their average ages. Most of them probably weren't either alive, or they were conceived, during the disco era.

And, of course, watch the crowd.

Was that Disco Dave there? In spirit?

At one time in your life, 70 is just a speed limit. Later in life, it is something almost in the rearview mirror.

Advantages Of Being 70: I shared with  Disco Dave a list of all the advantages I enjoyed when I turned 70: 

* Being able to drive 70 in a 35 and say I didn’t know it was a 35… and mean it
* Being able to use George Carlin's idea that 70 is really just 21 degrees Celsius
* Being able to say, I'm not 70, I'm 21 with 49 years of experience.
* Finally, able to have an age that is exactly 10 times my IQ
* Finally, being able to say, "Back in my day," and mean it...
* Finally, able to justify my daily naps, maybe upping them to two-a-day
* Being able to use cognitive reframing techniques on the unsuspecting, ie I now refer to myself as 'Classic'
* Finally, having a valid reason for being Extra Grumpy all the time
* Being able to use my age as a valid reason not to do something you want me to do
* Being able to tell people, first hand, about the invention of the wheel, the building of the pyramids, up through the beginning of the internet
* Finally, able to have my weight as a first grader match my age
* Being able to leave any social event simply by saying, "I'm tired." (And everyone is glad to see me leave, but not as glad as...)
* Being able to say I shot a 70 in golf (on a Put-Put course, first three holes)
* Finally, able to have my bowling average equal to my age
* Finally, able to have my SAT scores and age exactly align

"Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternative." — Maurice Chevalier

One More Time: "Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk. I'm a woman's man, no time to talk." (Songwriters: Barry Alan Gibb / Maurice Ernest Gibb / Robin Hugh Gibb)

Which way to Studio 54?

"You don't stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing." — George Bernard Shaw

Click here for our Disclaimers, Disclosures, Disavowals, And Declarations (aka - I told you so).