Failure Before Success: The Stars In Our Faults
"The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, But in ourselves, that we are underlings." --Cassius in William Shakespeare's Julius Caesar
Questions Before Answers:
How is there beauty in our flaws?
Which is a better metric of your success - your stars or your scars?
What happens when you fail to fail?
Why is failure the teacher and success the student?
Why are scars in the moment and stars after the moment?
What is the 'magic formula' for success?
What is beyond the scars and the stars?
Scars Before Stars: Lessons Hidden in Our Mistakes
"Flaws are the marks of a life lived fully." --Jane Austen
Imperfection Before Perfection—The Beauty Of Flaws: Our perceived need for perfection is merely an illusion. We tend to think that being flawless is the ideal, but our imperfections often are what make us unique and beautiful.
Flawsome—Finding Awesome In Our Flaws: Our flaws shape who we are and create our unique beauty. We simply need to look beyond the flaws to see the lesson.
Upon Reflection: The challenges we face and the pain we endure reveal our true character, highlighting our strengths and exposing areas for growth.
Not All Scars Are Visible: Scars are not merely physical reminders of past injuries; they are your proud badges and testimonies of your survival, awareness, resilience, and growth. Not everyone can witness your personal scars, as some might be psychological.
The one-inch cut on your left elbow? That visible scar is proof you learned how to ride a bicycle.
The tattoo or earring you always wanted? That is visible proof you have found the confidence to express yourself.
The extra question you ask before investing your time? That invisible scar is how you learned to be thorough and cautious with your most valuable resource.
The donation you made to the animal shelter? That invisible scar reflects all the love you received and gave, starting with your first pet. It also represents the sadness you experienced when they passed and how you learned to appreciate the time you spent with them more. This scar guides your relationship with your future pets... and people.
More Scars Equals More Stars—More Stars Equals More Light: Each of those scars becomes one of your stars. Your scars, visible or invisible, are the stars that guide you, illuminating the path you take going forward.
Success is not the absence of failure. Success is the persistence through failure.
The Wrong Metric: How should we measure our achievements? What are the true indicators of success and happiness? Have we been using the wrong metric to quantify our accomplishments?
Our Gold Stars: The gold star that used to be atop our elementary school assignments has left a lasting impact on us. Even now, as we accomplish new goals, such as landing a job or making a sale, we still seek that metaphorical gold star to validate our worth. We strive for success and focus only on our notable achievements.
However, these gold stars do not accurately measure our success, well-being, or happiness.
There is a better way to gauge these aspects of our lives.
"There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in." --Leonard Cohen
Measuring Progress by Scars, Not Stars: A better indicator lies not in our stars of success but in the scars of our failures or struggles. Solely focusing on final outcomes is misleading and can even be detrimental.
Our Gold Scars: Our scars are more valuable than our stars. Our scars are the lessons etched deep into our psyche, influencing our perspective and impacting our decision-making.
Scars vs. Stars—Tests Before Lessons: What is the difference between scars and stars?
Scars: Scars are evidence of the tests we've faced. Scars are the proof we earn when taking tests before learning the lessons. Scars are the results of these tests. Scars are your evidence of growth, progress, and understanding. Each scar creates a star, a recognition of effort, or an achievement. Scars are not evidence of complete mastery nor completion.
Stars: Stars are evidence that we've learned wholly or even partially lessons. They acknowledge that lessons exist from our failures.
Scars vs. Stars—Roots Before Fruits: Both scars and stars are necessary for our success, growth, and improvement.
Scars: Scars are our roots. They are the unseen foundation that grounds us, providing stability and the essential nutrients for growth.
Stars: Stars are our fruits. They are the visible outcomes of our scars. They represent our efforts, and they are the rewards of our labor. These fruits provide nourishment and joy to ourselves and others.
"Every block of stone has a statue inside it, and it is the task of the sculptor to discover it." --Often attributed to Michelangelo
The Chisel Of Character Produces Scars: At first, we perceive pain as the chisel chips away what we don't need: our illusions, shackles, inexperience, and erroneous beliefs. We wonder, "Why does this hurt so much?"
Pain Is Temporary, Lessons Last Forever: We soon realize the pain leaves and the scars remain.
Scars Are The Chisel, Stars Are The Sculpture: The scars represent the experience, knowledge, and lessons that last forever. However, we sometimes need time to realize this in the moment of growth; it's often easier said than done.
Scars and Stars Lessons from Art
The Unshattered Strength of Shattered Pieces: Years ago, my wife and I discussed Kintsugi, the Japanese art form that translates to 'golden joinery' or 'golden repair.' It's a centuries-old practice of repairing broken pottery using lacquer mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum. The philosophy behind Kintsugi is to embrace flaws and imperfections, treating breakage and repair as part of the object's history rather than something to hide.
When my wife retired, she took a mother-daughter trip to Japan. One of the stops they made was with a Kintsugi master. They spent an afternoon learning how Kintsugi repairs the object and adds a new layer of beauty, celebrating its history and transforming it into a unique work of art.
A Kintsugi master repairing a broken vase.Like Scars, Kintsugi Has Both Visible And Invisible Impact: I was deeply moved when my wife shared her experience with me and gave me her Kintsugi-repaired bowl. The concept of embracing 'brokenness' and seeing it as something that can be repaired resonated with us, strengthening our relationship even more.
"If it ain't broke, don't fix it." --Attributed to Thomas Bertram Lance
Anti-Kintsugi? Ain't Broke? Then You're Not Trying Hard Enough: For things to get better, change must occur. For things to get better faster, change must occur faster.
Embrace The Break—If It Ain't Broke, Break It: Creating scars is often beneficial. Being broken is not the end; it is a new beginning.
Failure is Part of the Process
Failure Is The Prelude To Stars: Failure is not the opposite of success; it is a necessary step toward success. The potential for success presents itself in every setback, obstacle, loss, burnt dish, and blunder.
"I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship." --Louisa May Alcott's Little Women
When You Fail To Fail, You Fail: Consider these companies that failed to fail: Kodak, Blockbuster, Sears, and MySpace. What do they have in common? They failed to take chances, failed to grow, or they failed to evolve.
In effect, they failed to fail.
"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." --Søren Kierkegaard
Test Before Lesson: Later, we understand pain to simply be the test before we get the lesson. In retrospect, pain is merely gentle hands guiding and transforming us to achieve our potential.
Lessons For You—Failure Before Success: If you look at the companies above, you find that change -- and its often initial outcome, failure -- is beneficial.
Here are two well-known quotes to illustrate the value of failure.
"I've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." --Michael Jordan
"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." --Thomas Edison
Success Is Merely The Student, Failure Is The Teacher: In our culture, knowledge flows from the teacher to the student.
Upon closer reflection, you learn that failure inverts this fundamental truth into success; it's not the teacher -- it's the student.
Failure Is The Giver Of Scars: Under this concept, failure is the master, the sage, the tough-love mentor who shapes raw talent into lasting wisdom. Consider any skill you've mastered—coding, cooking, or playing chess. When did you learn the most? Was it after an easy, flawless victory, a perfectly compiled program, or a dish that earned rave reviews? Likely not. People tend to learn the most from their failures, not their successes.
Success Is The Giver Of Stars: Success is like a diligent student who takes meticulous notes, highlights critical passages, and correctly recites facts. It absorbs information efficiently. Success often presents itself overtly. Success is represented by your stars.
Success tells you something worked, but success doesn't always tell you why. This is where the concept of failure becomes essential.
Failure Reveals How It Can Work: Failure, by contrast, is the professor who cold-calls you, challenges your assumptions, and assigns complex projects. Its teaching style is Socratic, constantly questioning you and pushing you to connect the dots between what didn't work and how it could work.
Scars Happen. Stars Happen. Sh** Happens: Both scars and stars have a role in our lives. But we must be aware that sometimes things just go wrong, things that are outside our control, things that we weren't, or didn't, prepare for or anticipate. When sh** happens, this is another form of scar.
Scars vs. Stars—Both Are The Results Of Obstacles And Successes: In every challenge, we encounter many setbacks, failures, problems, and obstacles. Scars represent your resilience and growth. Every challenge leaves its mark on us: a scar.
Scars Are Earned In The Moment: They are the lessons learned during pain, challenges, obstacles, setbacks, and growth. Scars are the visible and invisible evidence of growth, change, and progress.
Stars Are Recognized After The Moment: Stars, on the other hand, serve as the light illuminating our scars, highlighting our lessons long after the battle. Stars only appear after our scars.
Scars Also Live After The Moment: Stars can serve as the light illuminating our scars, highlighting our lessons long after the battle. Scars also exist after the experience to remind us of the lessons we have learned.
Is There A Magic Formula? YES! The formula is simple: more scars equals more stars.
Preview of coming stars...
When The Light Get's In, What Does It Find Inside? In the next essay, I discuss what is beyond the scars and the stars. I will explore what the light impacts inside you, how to recognize it, and how to use that as a tool and a mechanism for growth and improvement.
Thoughtercise: What are three experiences you had which, at the time, seemed like a burden, a pain, an action without meaning that later resulted in unexpected stars? Here are a few examples:
You didn't get the class you wanted, but the class you did receive allowed you to meet your best friend.
You reluctantly joined a group only because you were shamed or forced into it, yet there, you were exposed to an idea that you were unaware of, and that idea changed your trajectory of life.
You helped an elderly neighbor clean their garage, and as a gesture of their appreciation, they gave you their collection of books, which changed your life.
Your Thoughts May Vary: Thought Improvement welcomes your constructive appreciation comments and invites you to share your perspectives, ideas, and suggestions. Together, we can all improve our thoughts.
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